2011 Failures: #3

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Last year I wrote about my accomplishments, failures, regrets, resolutions, and predictions

…and I regret that series because it was totally boring. And this year, I can’t write about my accomplishments because I coasted through much of the year and tried to adjust to a new job as a HR marketing chick while managing a separate career as a writer on the side.

The good news? I didn’t get fired for my bossiness and nobody quit because I suck.

So this week I’ll share three of my biggest failures in 2011. It’s easy to write a list of failures because we’re all self-deprecating cynics and fools.

Look at me! I’m self-aware and thoughtful! I got here first and you can’t judge me because I judge myself!

So what’s my #3 biggest failure of 2011?

Well, I visited four countries and I spoke in over twenty major cities. I went to Las Vegas four times, which is about three times too many. And I spoke at six major corporate events. One of which was a bomb.

I walked into a room that was set up for a few hundred people. It was catered with a ton of food. I was wearing professional make-up and a very nice dress. Spanx. Much like every other corporate event, there were cameras in the room to record my speech. I was pumped. Excited. Ready to go.

And thirteen people showed up.

Balls!

Now listen, I get paid no matter how many people come into the room. Thirteen hundred. Thirteen. Whatever. But as I looked into the crowd, I realized that I’ve had more people in my room during a pap smear than at this speech.

And it’s awkward to talk to so few people. I was not my sharpest. AND ALL THAT FOOD WAS GOING TO WASTE!

Oy.

So I spoke to thirteen people, pretended like it was an audience of 1000, tried not to worry about all the wasted food, and got the hell out of dodge.

Not my finest moment. So it doesn’t matter if I took better care of my skin in 2011. (Earlier in the year, I had to have both a punch and excisional biopsy on my back. Nothing motivates you to stay out of the sun and tanning booths like a knife in your back and stitches.)

And it doesn’t matter that I tried to say ‘I love you’ more often and mean it. (I can be pretty fake and cold when it comes to my true emotions. I said I love you more often… and I meant it.)

I tried to pack a corporate venue and ended up speaking to a room of 13 people about staffing and Human Resources trends.

But the check cashed. So maybe it’s not a failure after all.

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