Auto Industry Bailout: Fixed!

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I support the auto industry bailout. I just moved from Michigan to North Carolina, but my home in Kalamazoo is still on the market. If the automakers fail, THREE MILLION jobs will be at risk — and my mothereffin house will never sell.

If the government doesn’t get this right, I am going to lose it all: my equity, my savings, my shirt, my marbles, and my sanity.

So here are my thoughts.

  • Demand innovation in return for a federal investment in the auto industry. A major automaker that accepts the bailout must commit to offering a four-door sedan that gets 60 mpg and costs under $15K by 2012.
  • Offer incentives for Americans to buy these cheap, fuel efficient, totally basic cars. Appeal to our sense of patriotism. I would drive a “Chevy Patriot” if it got 60 mpg, came in a decent color, and looked like a Toyota Corolla — and if the government gave me a rebate for purchasing the car.
  • Move all autoworkers and non-union employees to the federal health program, whether it’s the congressional plan or Medicaid. I don’t care. Take the burden of health insurance off the automakers. No exceptions. Not even for Rick Wagoner.
  • Require wage concessions. No autoworker in America should earn more than a school teacher. No president of an auto company should earn more than the President of the United States.

What do you think? Did I miss something? Can someone please call Chris Dodd and tell him that Laurie Ruettimann, SPHR, has the answer to the fiscal crisis in Detroit?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to fix the Middle East peace crisis with my awesome HR skills.

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