Then he dumped me. Dang it!
I was shocked. I remember saying things like, “Did I do something wrong? Can you tell me exactly why it’s over?”
Of course it starts with rationalization and goes to crazy in about 32 seconds.
“And are you on drugs? Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re dumping me? You must be mistaken. Are you sure? Are you an idiot? What is so unappealing about me that you’d rather risk a life alone than spend another day with me? Are you chromosomally challenged?”
Yeah, I said that. I’m high verbal.
So that relationship ended (shock). Here’s what happened next.
- I cried so much that it hurt my face to blink.
- My jaw was sore from constant, open-mouthed sobbing.
- At one point, I was so sad that my clavicle ached.
And of course my ex-boyfriend called about a month after things start to settle down for me.
“Wanna hang out?”
Do I want to hang out? Hell yes!
So I tried it. The whole friends thing. And it didn’t work. We would get coffee and I would look at him and think, “How can you not love me as much as I love you?”
It was sick. We would have ice cream and I would sit there and think, “What about me, exactly, do you find so unattractive?”
Spending time with this man did nothing more than reaffirm how wholly unlovable I was.
And it wasn’t his fault. Truly. He liked me. I was fun (when I wasn’t crazy). I know he mourned for our relationship and wanted to remain friends in an attempt to retain the best aspects of being ‘together’ as a couple.
But I’m not emotionally mature like that. At all. So I had to stop seeing him in order to stop reliving the rejection.
Now listen, relationships are so much different than your job — but the principles behind getting over rejection are pretty much the same. Radical detox is required.
No short-term emotional benefit comes from being part of a formal or informal alumni group. And without the benefit of both distance and time, having lunch with a former colleague leaves you nothing to talk about except your old job. That’s not healthy.
No matter what anyone says, you can’t be friends with your former coworkers (or former boyfriends). At least in the first year. Stop seeing your old coworkers. Stop hanging out in the old places where you used to hang out for work. Don’t go get a drink. Don’t check social media sites or try to arrange a group outing through Facebook or Twitter.
You can do it.
Let it go.