Dear Congress: Don’t Sleep in Your Office


You are a decent human being and you know that sleeping in your office is gross.

The cleaning staff has been fired. No one vacuums. Your coworkers go to the bathroom, forget to wash their hands, and touch your stuff. You sneeze on your computer screen and leave it.

The list goes on & on.

You don’t sleep in your office because you know there’s no place for sloughed off skin cells, dandruff, or body oils in your work environment. You don’t hold meetings in your bedroom at home. Why would you turn your professional office — paid for by your employer — into your personal boudoir?

You wouldn’t.

But some congressmen are too cheap and too stupid to know the proper boundaries of work etiquette. One-fifth of freshman congressmen [not women] bunk in their offices. They feel entitled to the privilege. They eat breakfast at their desks and shower in the congressional gym.

And it’s so gross.

Since this is my government, I feel fully entitled to tell them to knock it off.

So here’s my message to these congressmen:

You always talk about how our government should be run like a business instead of a not-for-profit organization. Guess what? No business would allow you to bunk on an air mattress on the floor. I’m paying your salary. I know it’s expensive to live in DC. Guess what? The rent is too damn high. That should motivate you to work on behalf of your real constituents. Now go rent an apartment, get a roommate, and sleep in your own dang bed like every other middle-class American would do.

Many of us have lived apart from our families during the recession. We lived in one location while our spouses followed a job to another location. I paid my monthly mortgage, paid my property tax bill, and then wrote another monthly check so my husband could sleep in a small apartment during the week. Here’s how we saw it — if we couldn’t afford the apartment and travel expenses to/from the new job, we couldn’t afford for him to take the job.

Capitol Hill is our office space, too. I don’t want our congressmen mucking it up with their sleeping bags, athlete’s foot, and body funk.

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