I have two points to make tonight.
I’m so sick of hipster kids asking me, Watchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?!
I can’t do anything but sigh a heavy sigh for the future of mankind. Dudes, I lived through that pop culture anomaly the first 500 times it came around, and then I had to live through it again during syndication on WFLD Channel 32. It’s old. It’s tired. Let’s move on.
Kids. These. Days. They make me weep. When I held a full-time job, I met educated and interesting young men & women who had really cool things to say about politics, pop culture, and the connection between technology and medicine. Unfortunately, I was forced to ask behavior-based interview questions; however, even the cynical HR woman within me will concede that I learned quite a bit about language and psychology when I asked, “Give me a specific example of a time when you had to conform to a policy with which you did not agree.”
It was especially interesting if the interview candidate was from a place like Kenya, Pakistan, or even Canada.
Now that I’m unemployed, I spend time with fellow animal lovers at adoption events. I talk about kitten huffing and answer questions like, “What does it mean if a kitten poops white.” (Answer: it’s bad & you should go to the vet. Now.)
When I’m not talking to animal lovers, I am talking to college kids who live in my town. I have nothing against college kids, of course, but I have very little tolerance for this new generation of illiterate, Halo 3 addicted, binge-drinking morons. You can stand in line at the mall for 18 hours to buy a video game but you can’t protest the war? You kids are idiots. You didn’t invent the internet, your piercings aren’t cool, and you wonder why you’re saddled in debt and lack focus.
Unfortunately, as you can probably tell, my world is contracting instead of expanding. I’m mildly cranky due to a lack of exposure to new & interesting ideas. Is there anything new and interesting out there that wasn’t on Facebook, yesterday?
Because I have an imploding world-view and also live in a town with young hipsters, I’ve been trying to incorporate a word into my vocabulary that they aren’t using.
Are you ready for it? It’s totes.
“What, Laur?” you ask. “Totes? For reals?”
Oh totes lord. For totes. I’m totes serious about this.
This is how it works: you just say totes. Whenever. Then you thank Col for introducing you to a whole new way of thinking and speaking. Then you drop totes like a hot potato when you hear it being used in a cell phone commercial.
Is it annoying? Of totes, dude, it’s totes annoying. It’s also totes catchy.
The husband asked me, “How long is this totes phase going to last?”
I’m like, “As long as it totes, dude. AS! LONG! AS! IT! TOTES!”
I will use totes until the local kids in my town start using totes, and then I’ll complain about how I had to walk uphill — both ways — to a My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult concert back in 1994.
That concert, by the way? It was totes awesome.