Flip Flops At Work

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In America, we are now officially in the season of sandals & open-toed shoes & flip flops.

Gross.

Unfortunately, your feet make me gag. I’m sorry and I am not judging you (that much). I can barely stand the sight of my own toes. I really don’t want to look at yours.

Many companies will allow employees to wear sandals and ‘summer shoes’ as long as your feet are neat and presentable. Good luck enforcing that rule — and good luck going to a Human Resources chick (like me) with your complaints. I already know your coworker has some nasty-ass dogs. Don’t look to me for guidance. You’re an adult. Solve your own interpersonal conflicts.

Oh no? You still need advice? Well here are some tips and tricks for surviving the summer sandal season. Feel free to anonymously forward this to your coworkers.

  1. It’s all about grooming. Like everything in life, no one will notice your feet unless you give them a reason to notice. So don’t. Scrub some baking soda on those yellow nails. Invest in a cheap exfoliation brush and remove the dead skin. Coat your feet in Vaseline before you go to bed.
  2. Have a good pedicure — but be safe. Especially if you are diabetic. The people who really need pedicures rarely get them. Go to your podiatrist and ask for a medical pedicure if you can’t easily reach your toes, you have funky ingrown nails, or you suffer from deep callouses.
  3. One pedicure at the beginning of summer does not mean your feet are fine. Your sausages need maintenance. Think about a good moisturizer and a clear coat of Diamond Strength Nail Color. That might help extend the life of your pedicure — but it won’t last forever.
  4. Your flip flops can make things worse. Make sure your shoes aren’t staining the bottom of your feet. I don’t want to see that in the office.
  5. You can’t go wrong with some easy prevention. Invest in a can of Dr. Scholl’s® Odor Destroyers All Day Deodorant Spray Powder.  Your feet can look great — but if your shoes are smelly, they are smelly. And believe me when I tell you that flip flops and sandals can be smelly.

I spend 90 days out of the year — from Memorial Day to Labor Day — avoiding your feet. I keep my gaze firmly fixed on the horizon. On the off chance that I do look down, please don’t make me vomit.

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