Several months ago, I offered advice about navigating London as a first-time visitor during the Olympics. I advised my readers to wear casual clothing and skip the fancy toiletries in their luggage because everyone is ugly except for the Ukrainian models.
I am really sorry for writing that because it’s not like Ukrainian models are all that great. Most of all, I offended my friends in England. Let me be clear: you are not ugly. Under any other circumstance, I would be lucky to hook up with you. I am the ugly one.
And I should have written that most people are pretty damn unattractive wherever you go.
Humans are tired, stressed and anxious. We buy Spanx. We mess with our hair color. We don’t get enough sleep, we worry too much about our cellulite and yet we eat like crap. Our bodies are fighting us. And if you’re lucky you end up like me — a size 0 with a muffin top. If you are not so lucky, you end up dead.
Travel + Leisure does a survey on America’s most attractive and least attractive cities. Although everyone is beautiful in the eyes of baby Jesus, I find fault with each selection.
- For every gorgeous Latina woman in Miami, you get a fat Cuban guy who is still screaming about Castro and hasn’t showered in three days.
- And for every sausage-eating Polish woman in Chicago, you can find a very handsome guy with strong cheekbones and killer abs.
I love London and I love my friends over there. I’m sorry about that line in my blog post.
But I do wonder — what city do you think has absolutely gorgeous people? And what’s the ugliest city you’ve ever visited?
Tell me it’s Raleigh. Go ahead. I can take it.