F@%k It Friday: Airplanes


I don’t hate flying, but I hate the modern aviation system and those horrible airplanes.

On my way back to Raleigh, this week, I didn’t score a first class upgrade on the first leg of my journey. I sat in an exit row with two scruffy business consultants/road warriors who were pissed off that they didn’t get the first class upgrade, either.

The row happened to be

  • a bulkhead,
  • the physical entrance to the plane,
  • and right next to the toilet.

The location couldn’t have been less fortunate for a woman who holds her pee on international flights because airplane lavs are so gross. I spent four hours watching every man with a sketchy prostate—and every senior citizen with poor circulation—stand in front of me and use the space to pace, wait for the toilet, and do calisthenics to prevent blood clots.

What ever happened to ‘Sit the hell down and wait for the toilet to be free? No congregating in the galleys and aisles’?

You guys, it was a circus. There was a guy who peed three times. I recognized him by his very ugly and very plaid shorts. I had a pregnant woman doing yoga poses in front of me. There were some weird men who just walked the aisle, stood in front of me in my exit row space, and felt entitled to hang out.

Club fucking Med in Row 19. Bring the drink cart!

I don’t know about you, but I need a break. Air travel is so awful that I can no longer justify the time or expense of travel. I don’t know about you, but my life needs to get virtual in a big way — and fast.

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