If your life is anything like mine, your extended family will come together over the holidays and someone will drink too much light beer, eat too many cookies, and start complaining about his job.
It’s probably your cousin — the guy who wears a baseball hat to every family event. He will get all sentimental & shit and bemoan the loss of family values. He may also rage against the commercialism of Christmas and criticize corporate America — and you’ll have to resist the urge to point out that he drove to the holiday party in his Ford F150, he is wearing a pair of jeans from Old Navy, and he is eating his weight in government subsidized high-fructose corn syrup.
Deck the halls, yo. I don’t envy you.
Why don’t you mix things up, this year? I dare you to be a shit-disturber and tell your family member to
- stop buying stuff he doesn’t need.
- sell one of his cars.
- learn how to cook.
- vacation locally.
- use coupons.
- give up red meat.
- cancel the cable TV.
- buy clothing at consignment stores.
- stop buying his kids soda and candy for snacks.
- find personal meaning in life by volunteering with animals, abused children, or those less fortunate.
Or you can tell your family member to STFU and eat another cookie.
What’s it gonna be?