HR Career Path: Fast Track to Motherhood

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The HR departments at most companies have high turnover. So many young women enter the field, become pregnant, and decide that motherhood is a helluva lot better than discussing organizational effectiveness.

  • If I’m going to listen to someone whine, it might as well be my own child.
  • I’d rather wipe a poopy ass than kiss your stupid ass.
  • I pay good money for my benefits and know the details of the plan inside & out. I’m taking advantage of my maternity leave in combination with my short-term disability, long-term disability, and FMLA. Then I’m going to quit and never return to the workforce.

Fortunately, I don’t feel this way about motherhood — although I would rather scoop a litter box than talk about your ongoing dispute with the chump in the corner office. At the end of the day, I have no illusions about motherhood. I know that it’s infinitely easier to soothe your bruised ego than to soothe a colicky baby. (You like free donuts and coffee in the cafeteria. The baby with colic likes to torture its parents.)

On the other hand, if I had a baby, I would raise him to be a reggaeton artist like Miguelito.

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Say what you will about an eight-year-old reggaeton rapper with his girls and his gold chains; the kid has a brand and is earning money for his parents. You remember the days when America was great and kids were in the field picking corn? I miss those days. Kids doing stuff. Being productive. Earning their keep. Working for the sake of work. Rapping about the hard life of an eight-year-old boy who drives a golf cart.

That’s the kind of productivity we need in our workforce. That’s the spirit that we must capture if we want to make America competitive, again.

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