Huckabee Doesn't Like Dogs

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This is an honest-to-southern-baby-jesus photo of an old Huckabee Christmas Card, given to me by my super-secret source.

Good god.

I’m not above making fun of Huckabee’s appearance, but it’s almost too easy. The stripes? The light denim? The elbow patch? I don’t care if this picture is a few years old. Fashion is fashion. This is just wrong and un-American.

What offends me most about this picture — beyond the barbershop quartet shirts — is the dog. Why does the first lady of Arkansas have the doggy in a headlock? The poor pooch seems to be panting for its life!

One can only ask, “Why doesn’t Mike Huckabee like dogs?”

That’s the real story, folks. It’s not that Huckabee doesn’t believe in evolution, or that he doesn’t believe in equal rights for women, or that he is anti-choice and supports the pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears. The real story is that Mike Huckabee’s wife is holding the family dog against its will with a choke hold.

(Shoot, y’all. The Chuck Norris endorsement now makes sense. They needed some Walker Texas Ranger justice to wrangle in that 10 pound dog for the holiday photo.)

I can just hear the new Mitt Romney ads.

  • Mike Huckabee. Wrong for America. Wrong for Fashion. Wrong for Dogs.

Updated: Check this out and learn why some people are all (justifiably) conspiratorial & shit about Huckabee.

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