Monday Morning HR Humor: Job Search Jargon

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From an email forward…

Whether you are an entry-level Human Resources Generalist or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way…

COMPETITIVE SALARY
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Management communicates, you listen and figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD
You whine, you’re fired.

CAREER-MINDED
We expect you to give selflessly of yourself until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED
Management won’t answer questions.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT
We have a lot of turnover.

RECRUITING POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER
We’re not going to supply you with leads; there’s no base salary; you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the divorced baby boomers in the office went through a mid-life crisis and now wear earrings to impress the young ladies.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED
If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

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