Yesterday was my first day back to work — or what counts for work when you’re a Human Resources chick who blogs about social media, career advice, and cats.
My coworkers at Starr Tincup are great. Everyone was nice. No one made fun of me when I couldn’t find the bathroom. People seemed genuinely happy to see me. But being a Human Resources chick and an amateur Debbie Downer, I know that it’s only a matter of time before we have conflicts and I disappoint someone.
So I am trying to enjoy the newness while it lasts because being a new employee is such an awesome experience. Do you remember what it’s like? Everyone is so positive and full of hope. Even though it’s all puppy dogs and rainbows, I am surprised about how much anxiety I have about going back to work. I have no idea why. I missed having colleagues and peers. I missed learning. I missed growing. And I was starting to atrophy. But here’s a secret: I started having stress dreams, a few months ago, when I thought about getting a job.
Here are two.
I dreamt that I was working in London, pushing a food cart, and my coworker was a Muslim woman. Out of nowhere, a man attacked her and cut off her head. I didn’t know whether to pick up her bleeding body or run. Then I tured around and another man with a knife was running towards me to cut off my head — like I’m a blonde infidel.
I woke up in a sweat. Schwoo.
Then I dreamt that I had a new job with five coworkers. I didn’t know any of them from Adam. Didn’t feel attached. We were out on a frozen lake and the ice broke. I was like — well, I could save them, but I don’t really know them. (Nice, right? I’m such a team player.) I decided to jump in and help. I was able to save three and was hailed as a hero. Then I felt like a fraud because of my ambivalence. I’m no hero. And two of them died.
I woke up feeling guilty, too.
Stress dreams are not uncommon for people in new and unfamiliar situations. (Have you had them?) I just have to keep reminding myself that I haven’t disappointed anyone. My job as a hardcore-punk-rock-HR-suburban-housewife-blogger-turned-human-capital-social-media-strategist is awesome and uncharted.
And I’m not a blonde infidel.
Not yet, anyway.