I am frequently asked for advice on how to get around a company’s drug test. The answer is simple: you can’t.
If your company has a pre-employment drug testing policy or a random drug screening policy, you have two options: take the drug test or find another job. If your company conducts random drug tests and asks you to pee in the cup, you need to pee in the cup.
Some argue that employees who use drugs (outside of work) have lower productivity, higher instances of workplace absenteeism, and risk the safety of their fellow employees. Others argue that a company has no business enforcing its policies in your private life outside of work.
Mostly I hear, “It’s not fair to penalize me for smoking pot when alcohol and tobacco are legal.”
Life isn’t fair, yo. Why don’t you grow up and take a more nuanced position? If you want to do drugs, find a company that doesn’t care. There is another option, too. Start your own company.
Unfortunately, if you work for a company that pays you money and asks you not to do drugs, you support that policy every time you cash your paycheck. The best way to argue for smart & substantive drug policies (and to guarantee the right of privacy for American citizens) is to be involved when the policies are crafted. Start your own company, lobby your congressperson, or support companies that align with your positions. If all else fails, run for elected office on your pro-hemp, pro-marijuana, pro-patchouli platform.
What do you think? How do you feel about drug testing at work? What’s your current corporate policy?
[Side note: Why do stoners think they do their best work while high? You don’t. You are not that creative. Please don’t come to work baked.]