Sylvia Browne claims she is a psychic.  She told Amanda Berry’s mother that her daughter was dead back in 2004.

Amanda Berry is alive.

Being a psychic is a full-time job that can pay pretty well. I thought it might be helpful to tell you how Sylvia Browne makes money. Beyond lying and being a total piece of shit, she employs another technique. It’s called cold reading.

Cold reading is a series of techniques used by some mentalists, psychics, fortune-tellers, mediums and illusionists to determine or express details about another person, often in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than they actually do. Without prior knowledge of a person, a practiced cold reader can still quickly obtain a great deal of information about the subject by analyzing the person’s body language, age, clothing or fashion, hairstyle, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race or ethnicity, level of education, manner of speech, place of origin, etc. Cold readers commonly employ high probability guesses about the subject, quickly picking up on signals from their subjects as to whether their guesses are in the right direction or not, and then emphasizing and reinforcing any chance connections the subjects acknowledge while quickly moving on from missed guesses.

Psychics size you up. Quickly. And because the human condition isn’t tremendously complex, they often get important things right. Love. Loss. Heartache. Death. Financial struggles.

Recruiters use cold reading, too. If you are lucky enough to actually pass the six-second resume test and meet with a recruiter or HR professional, many will judge you based on the same criteria listed above — even if those judgements are illegal.

I wonder why we have interviews at all. HR professionals could easily do background checks to verify data on a CV. We can do assessments to determine competencies. We can test for values and work ethics. And we could actually meet a candidate via Skype or HireVue before the first day of work.

But no. Recruiters want to see you in the flesh. They want to look you in the eye and make sure you’re likable and you are a good cultural fit.

I get it . . . . but I think it’s a version of cold reading. It seems unreasonable to believe that someone can meet with you for 30 minutes and judge your motivation, aptitude and ability based on a simple conversation. To me, it feels nothing more than an unsophisticated psychic trick. And I think that technology can solve for bias and discrimination in the hiring process.

But my opinion is not widely held among HR and recruiting professionals.

So what can you do to protect yourself from cold reading and have a fighting chance?

I dunno. You can follow the shitty career advice you see out there.

  • Do your research on a company.
  • Wear clean clothes.
  • Don’t smell.
  • Don’t be too ethnic or too religious.
  • Don’t be too fat, too old or too expensive to employ.
  • Don’t talk too much.
  • Don’t stutter.
  • Sit up tall.
  • Don’t say anything negative about your previous employer.
  • Be cheap.
  • Be available.
  • Show loyalty without being too desperate.

Hmm.

If you can pass the cold reading test and get a job in 2013, you let me know.

All year, I’ve been telling people to be bold, confident and unapologetic. Now I’m seeing that language all over the place: blogs, books and TV.

So bizarre. What’s in the water? Well, I needed to find out.

I got digging and it turns out that I stole it from Dr. Phil who stole it from Oprah who lifted it from The Dalai Lama (minus the unapologetic part).

Dammit. Everything is a remix. There is no such thing as an original idea. We are all paying homage to someone else who is paying homage to another muse. And in the middle, we are plagiarizing one another.

But it’s still a good idea to be bold, confident an unapologetic in life. You can’t go wrong with having a goal and working hard — unless you are Hitler. But you are not Hitler. You are a normal guy who just wants to go back to school and get your MBA. Some of you want to open FroYo stores. There are a few of you who want to be nurses.

These are reasonable dreams, people.

So why not you?

And the answer is — I dunno. Maybe your parents didn’t love you enough. Maybe you feel too fat, too stupid or too ugly. But really, there are plenty of lonely, fat, stupid and ugly people who get shit done every day.

If they can do it, you should try. Come on. Give yourself a fighting chance. I believe in you.


[Video from Ignite Raleigh 4 with Hungry Kate as my sidekick.]

I’ve been blogging about work for almost a decade. And while I love most of you, I am sick of watching losers and morons make money while you feel shame about your body, your family and/or your entire life.

While you are feeling shame and wondering if someone loves you on Facebook and Twitter, chumpsters like Donald Trump and Chris Brown are stacking cheddar.

Please. For the love of God. Don’t let this continue.

It’s Monday. The week is new. Get off the internet and do one thing RIGHT NOW that is bold, confident and unapologetic. Maybe it’s something small. Maybe you should do your laundry so you can make a better impression on strangers who could hire you. Why don’t you clean out your car and get organized? Maybe it’s time to sweep that shit off your desk so you have some space to write.

Whatever. I don’t care how you do it. You just have to do it now.

I’m not sure what you are waiting for . . . . but if you need a sign from a blogger, this is it.

Don’t quit your job in a huff. Don’t go on a rampage. But be bold, confident and unapologetic. If we are here in another year — and you are reading my blog and wondering how to change your life — you will break my heart.

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Your local Qdoba needs a new menu item: The Purrito.

purrito

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jmlr-ad1-300x250How are you guys?

I had a great week away from the blog. I worked hard to deliver a keynote speech in Grand Cayman. By working hard, I mean that I showed up and talked about social media.

It doesn’t sound tough but I am always concerned about delivering a good experience. Some people are self-funded and these conferences can be so expensive for regular HR professionals. I try to do my best and show respect and appreciation.

[But FYI this is why Jennifer McClure and I are launching our social media webinar series. If you want to learn more about LinkedIn/Facebook/Twitter but can't afford to attend a conference, we priced a series for hardworking people like you.]

Now I am off to the inaugural InfluenceHR. I am excited to see several old friends and colleagues I met back in 2007 when I first became a blogger and writer. We are either visionaries or bittereinders. Here we are, six years later, still talking about HR technology and marketing.

Ridiculous. We need hobbies, I think.

I’m also about two weeks away from my first half-marathon. Holy crap.

Hope everyone has a great week!

 

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