POTUS 08: Are The Candidates Better Than Your Boss?

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I’ve been thinking about my previous supervisors and wondering if any of them could be president. Then I started thinking, “What would it be like to work for Bill Clinton?”

This led me to take a look about the current crop of candidates and wonder

  • Who would make the best boss?
  • Who would be the worst?
  • Who would micromanage the way I go to the bathroom?

Let’s take a look.

Democrats

Hillary Rodham Clinton

  • She would be a great leader and would champion the causes of those whom she trusts.
  • You would know if you made a mistake because she wouldn’t talk to you. You might hear about it through the well-managed grapevine.
  • She’d slit your throat in a heartbeat if she felt you were disloyal. Just like she did to Vince Foster.

Barack Obama

  • He would be the type of boss who assumes the best of his employees.
  • He will give second chances, but he won’t be fooled. Your second chance will be monitored by his wife, who doesn’t give second chances & thinks her husband is too nice.
  • He would be generous with his praise and with merit increases.

John Edwards

  • He believes in what he is saying, and his enthusiasm is contagious. You’ll wonder — should I be this excited? Is this possible? Is he genuine? (He is. Go ahead. Drink the Kool-Aid.)
  • He learns from his mistakes and won’t make them twice.
  • He won’t suffer fools on his team. No one will jeopardize his vision.

Dennis Kucinich

  • You’ll wonder if this guy is for real.
  • When you realize that he is for real, you will wonder why no one is joining his team.
  • Then you’ll see the zen books, the meditations mats, and the younger wife. Instantly, you will know why he’s not making headway. The dude is like your old college professor — he operates on a different plane & the world is not ready for him.

Republicans

John McCain

  • You’ll join his team for his reputation alone.
  • You will be disappointed to discover that you’re now working for Gil Gunderson — the used car salesman. He can’t pay you, but he can show you the ropes.
  • Once upon a time, he was in his glory. Now he’s just old. He has lots of stories about the good old days, though.

Rudy Giuliani

  • Whenever he gets the chance, he’ll remind you of how great he thinks he is.
  • Wait — did you hear about how he did that one great thing six years ago?
  • And how you should work for him because of that one great thing?

Mitt Romney

  • He’s a flashy boss with a fancy blackberry and a good suit.
  • He’s open to changing his position and flexible on the issues. He doesn’t mind publicly contradicting himself and then going back to his original position.
  • If you tell him what you think, he’ll agree with you and tell you that he thinks that way, too; however, he reserves the right to change his mind.

Fred Thompson

  • Thinks everyone not on his team is an idiot.
  • Thinks of himself as a leader; therefore, in his mind, he is a leader.
  • Likes the finer things in life: cigars, younger women, and lobbying firms — & won’t apologize for it, either.

Ron Paul

  • It’s like working for your crazy uncle who hasn’t paid his taxes since 1982.
  • The guy is nice enough and makes sense when you’re drunk & he’s buying the drinks.
  • His team consists of you, some guy named Bill, and Chester from down-the-road. You all carry guns.

Mike Huckabee

  • Will make you pray before meetings.
  • Doesn’t like liars but won’t admit to gastric bypass surgery, thus creating tension on his team.
  • Wonders why his team isn’t more successful, but ultimately puts it all in the hands of Jesus.

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