Predictions for 2010

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There’s nothing like a new year to fool us into thinking that things will be different.

The holidays come, the holidays go, and many of us will look back on 365 days of mistakes & missed opportunities and feel kind of blue. Some of us choose to look forward to the new year with optimism and joy in order to stay sane — and unfortunately, most of us are chumps.

A new year means nothing if we don’t learn from the mistakes of the past. And you know how this goes. We never learn.

So with guarded optimism and low expectations, here are my employment-related predictions for 2010.

The Good

  • Recession fashion will still be trendy. Hoodies and yoga pants will be acceptable public attire for the unemployed. You don’t need to color your hair, shave, or buy the latest wrinkle cream. We will all look like crap in the new year.

The Bad

  • You will still dislike your job and your boss — and you won’t get a big raise. Sorry. Companies are trying to contain costs, and they are still cutting back on salaries, training, and professional development programs. If you want to get back at your boss who is a total idiot, take naps in your car in the afternoon. If questioned about your absence, tell him you were called into a very important conference call that you took in a private office.

The Ugly

  • Your lazy brother-in-law will not get a job. Not in 2010. Not in 2011. Not until you kick him off the couch. If he wanted to get a job, he would’ve found one in 2007. There is a difference between unemployment and pathologically lazy, and the best thing you can do is to stop giving him money. Those who are able should get back to work, and your brother-in-law is able. Trust me.

Boy, that’s a depressing set of predictions. Luckily, you are in charge of your own destiny and my predictions are probably worthless. Go out there, be successful, and find a great job. Please prove me wrong and help me to see the bright side of the employment landscape in 2010.

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