I am hosting a baby shower for Boss of One (Jen) on Saturday afternoon. I’m a little conflicted about the party because, if I’m being totally honest, this pregnancy has cramped our style.
- We’re no longer drinking margaritas and riding the wild bull.
- Instead, we’re shopping for organic cloth diapers and taking handfuls of vitamins.
What the hell? I tried to tell Jen that tequila is good for the fetus, but she doesn’t believe me.
I’ve grown increasingly irritated with the mythology of pregnancy, childbirth & womanhood over the past 7.5 months. When most people talk to Jen, they don’t ask about her job. They don’t want to know about her political beliefs or her views on universal health care. She is asked:
- When are you due?
- Was this baby planned?
- What’s the gender?
- Are you having an epidural?
For reals? Jen is a woman with personal goals, dreams, and big ideas. Ask her about the local food movement. Ask her about organic gardening & farming. Jen can change the world and change diapers. She doesn’t have to choose.
I am also irritated with the multitude of advice given to women regarding pregnancy & childbirth. Whether you ask for it or not, you’ll be told
- you should do THIS.
- you should do THAT.
- you’ll kill the baby if you DON’T DO THIS VERY IMPORTANT THING.
How the hell did women ever have children before fetal monitors, ultrasounds, and sonograms?
I’ve learned that there comes a point in a pregnancy where there is too much advice from friends, family members & experts. Everything begins to contradict itself; nothing adds up, and you are forced to rely upon your instincts and common sense to understand your current situation.
In that sense, pregnancy reminds me of Corporate Human Resources.
- Everyone has an opinion on how you should operate.
- Your general state of being gives you heartburn & anxiety.
- You are constantly told — WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD, AND BECAUSE IT IS SO IMPORTANT, I AM GOING TO MICROMANAGE THE WAY YOU DO IT.
- Martyrdom for a ‘bigger cause’ is required.
I know that Jen is looking forward to having this baby, and she is strong enough & smart enough to sort through all this bullshit (including my cynicism) and choose a path that’s right for her. I am so glad that she’s having this baby (& not me). I don’t suffer fools gladly, and it wouldn’t take more than one stranger rubbing my tummeh before I punched someone in the face.
Really, I go back to one of my original question:
- How could tequila do anything but improve pregnancy?
I still don’t get it. Probably a good thing that I just have cats.
more cat pictures