Real Men Don't Use iPhones

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I am an independent businesswoman, which sucks because at one point in my career I was the HR queen for an IT infrastructure group.

It was heaven.

I had access to a super-secret help desk number, the best network experts, and geeks who could fix just about anything.

  • No signal?
  • No wifi?
  • No memory?
  • Blocked access to a website?
  • Need a new phone?
  • Need a new laptop?
  • Need anything?

“No problem, Laurie.”

I miss hearing those words. My colleagues lived to serve — even when I told them they were losing their jobs.

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Right now, I have no help desk, no assistant, and no infrastructure. This is why I arm myself with fail-proof technology and gadgets that won’t let me down. I don’t use an iPhone because I have never had a conversation with someone on an iPhone that didn’t drop six times. How do you do business when you’re talking about something important and the call ends for no reason other than it’s sunny outside?

I use a Blackberry Tour and I am on on the Verizon network. I’m sorry but I run a business and I need a big girl phone.

I don’t hate all Apple products. I use a MacBook from 2007. I back this shit up. I believe in redundancies and I save stuff in secure spaces — a secondary hard drive, the Google cloud, my grandmother’s basement.

Finally, when you run your own business, you have to be flexible. I really want a sweet new computer that’s lighter and faster — and I could totally buy an iPhone to futz around with the applications — but my phone and my computer are fine. I’m looking for reliability, not the latest gadgets with bells and whistles.

When I go back to Corporate Human Resources, I promise that I’ll ask my assistant to schedule my travel, order the latest phone, and help me waste shareholder money with fancy upgrades to my personal IT infrastructure. Until that happens, I will keep my reliable phone and basic computer and be happy with my lot in life.

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