Safety First


I go to the gym every day.

I know, I know. That doesn’t seem very anti-establishment, right? Honestly, I don’t care what you think. I am at the gym to manage my anxiety, not my weight, and the world is a safer place because I get 45 minutes of cardio each day.


So I’m at the gym, the other day, and the fire alarm went off. Strobe lights start flashing. The walls start buzzing. I grabbed my car keys, which I always keep nearby, and I hopped off the elliptical machine and walked out to the parking lot. I’ve been through enough safety training to know that you don’t hang around to find out what’s happening. You get the hell out and ask questions later.

Unfortunately, I was the only person who left the building. I may have been the only person to blink, too. Most people were oblivious to the alarm. Many barely registered consciousness.


When the alarm was turned off, I went back inside. I asked one of the trainers, “Was that a false alarm? A drill?”

He said, “Nope, we’re not sure why it went off… but you don’t need to worry about it. We’ll tell you when to evacuate if something is wrong.”

I said, “Yeah okay. Thanks.”


You can’t argue with stupid. The last thing this meathead will do is tell me to evacuate if there’s an emergency, and I know this because I’ve been through enough emergency drills.


I don’t care if you think a fire alarm is false. I don’t care if you think someone is screwing around with a security system. I don’t care if you’re in the middle of a great workout. If you hear an alarm in a building — ANY BUILDING — and if the strobe lights are flashing, you need to get the hell out.

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