Sexual Harassment: My Training Program

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I hate the training industry and HR motivational speakers, but I’m breaking into the field because I’m convinced that I’m the next Tony Robbins — with smaller teeth and a smarter message.

Here’s my pitch:

Your company requires ‘sexual harassment’ training. Back in the 90s, it was a one-hour PowerPoint presentation that was delivered over lunch. Then employees started hiring lawyers (god forbid), so the training morphed into ‘respectful employee conduct’ training sessions. Then some genius in HR/Marketing rebranded the endeavor as ‘conscious workplace interactions’ training sessions and sold toolkits and integrated software programs. HR decided to save time and incorporate some diversity training into those sessions, too, but it’s hard to talk about diversity when there isn’t much diversity in the room.

In the spirit of cutting to the chase, I’m starting a training division under my Punk Rock HR LLC Conglomerate and I am offering a comprehensive training session called Please Just STFU and Do Your Job: One Easy Step To Avoid Workplace Litigation.

It’s common-sense training for today’s busy workforce.

My rate? Since we’re friends, I’ll give you the Punk Rock HR discount and charge a flat rate of $1,000/day — plus all travel expenses and a per diem to cover Starbucks.

Trust me, it will be the best money your company spends on HR training in 2008.

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