Sports & The Business of Motivation

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Get this poonchy cat an agent at a speakers bureau! Stat!

Dammit if I don’t hate sports figures who try to act like business leaders.

From Lou Holtz to Kurt Warner, I am offended when anyone pays these chumps $50,000/speech to try to ‘motivate’ me to do better.

My poonchy cat, Emma, has plenty of skills. She’s never run a business or managed a P&L. She chases bugs and plays small forward on the Ruettimann kitty basketball team in our basement. Where is her closing keynote speech at a sales convention in Palm Springs?

I’m just sick of the Mike Ditkas and the Dan Dierdorfs who want to tell me how to run my business. You want to motivate me to achieve my personal best, Sporty Spice? Pay me $50K plus travel & expenses and fly me — first class — to Las Vegas.

Suddenly I am motivated, yo.

What’s worse is people with family money who want to motivate me to work hard on their behalf.

Case in point? This picture I took at the NASCAR Hall of Fame. It’s a quote from some guy who owned a NASCAR team.

Here. Let me push my worries about my mortgage, my undereducated kids, my lack of health insurance, and the decaying infrastructure in my neighborhood out of my mind so that you can live out your boyhood dream and pay some poor kid from the South to race a car and win a trophy on your behalf.

Perfect. Now I’m motivated.

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