Marriage + Unemployment

The husband and I are sitting in the living room with dueling laptops — playing Scrabulous on Facebook. Yes, our marriage is THAT awesome. We’re also watching television. Laurie: Did you hear that Murtha endorsed Clinton? Husband: Murtha? Really? Laurie: Yeah, does that surprise you? Husband: What’s she doing in politics? Laurie: Huh? Husband: Didn’t […]

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Early To Rise

I’ve been up since 7:30 AM waiting for the phone guy, who is really the cable guy, who is really just a shill for the big media corporations. So waking up early is just part of the vast, right-wing conspiracy to hassle me. Thanks, Rupert Murdoch. I don’t even wake up at 7:30 AM when […]

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Hillary Clinton Cries & Eats A Brat!

Oh. My. God. Hillary Clinton cried at The Brat Stop. I hate tubular meat, but if you’re going to cry, that’s a fantastic place. I have so much history with the Illinois/Wisconsin border and I’m totally excited about Tuesday’s WI primary. I really hope Obama cries at the Mars Cheese Castle. If we get really […]

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Tomorrow is Election Day

Tomorrow is election day in Michigan, although it doesn’t mean a goddamn thing because the DNC stripped Michigan of its national delegates and the RNC stripped Michigan of 50% of its delegates. So here are my options: I could decline to vote. I could vote for HRC, Kucinich, Gravel, or Dodd — and I like […]

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Concession Speeches

Can you imagine being turned down for a job in the first round of interviews and then giving a speech about your failure to your family and friends? How do you spin it? How do you face your wife & kids and pretend that everything is okay? “One thing is clear from this rejection, my […]

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