Here are some important facts about the flu from the CDC.
Every year in the United States, on average:
- 5% to 20% of the population gets the flu;
- more than 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu complications, and;
- about 36,000 people die from flu.
If you are like most people, you are stupid and won’t get a flu shot.
Here’s why you should get one, buddy.
- The shots are cheap.
- The vaccines are readily available around this time of year — get yours now because in a few weeks the local media will start running those “killer flu” stories on the evening news.
- If you are vaccinated against the flu, you won’t infect your co-workers.
- If you get a flu shot, you won’t get sick when one of your stupid co-workers comes to the office with the flu.
Think you never get the flu? Think again.
I said the same thing until I was infected — out of nowhere — on Christmas Eve 2001 by my cousin (who shall remain nameless). I was sick through the middle of January 2002 with a horrible upper respiratory infection. I almost invoked my rights & privileges under FMLA, which is fine for you to do but is frowned upon when HR professionals use their own benefits and sick days. (God, I hate asshole HR leaders.)
I had an alien living in my body; this creature ripped apart my lungs and poured cement into my sinuses. I was contagious for what seemed like weeks and infected several people — like a germ-robot — because I was too stupid to stay home and avoid contact with humankind.
I know you’re a total dumb-ass like me. Learn from my mistakes and get vaccinated on the cheap at your employer’s health clinic, Target, Walgreens, CVS, or Wal-Mart (it hurts me to suggest Wal-Mart, but the clinic is wicked cheap).
It’s not punk rock to be sick and germy, yo.