Universal Travel Rules Revised

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JetSetter1Back in 2009, I wrote the Punk Rock HR Guide to Universal Travel Rules. Then I wrote a few more. I will quickly summarize them.

  • Two carry-ons means TWO carry-ons.
  • If it takes you more than 45 seconds to stow your luggage in the overhead bin you should have checked it.
  • Unless you’re curing cancer, turn off your blackberry and don’t make the flight attendant ask twice.
  • No cell phone usage in any kind of line: bathroom, Starbucks, Hudson News, line for the gate agent, etc.
  • When in doubt, pee before the flight. Can’t hurt. Only helps.
  • Take that damn bluetooth thing out of your ear on the plane.
  • No one wants to see you make out with your significant other on a plane. We’re headed to Raleigh, not Maui.
  • On escalators and moving walkways, please stand on the right and walk on the left, for f@#$’s sake.
  • Please don’t try to bring everything you own onto the plane in a single, carry on bag.
  • Wear the most comfortable clothing you own on the flight.
  • Use your inside voice in the airport and on planes.
  • Don’t even think about hassling TSA.

I have a few more in 2013.

  • Sign up for the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) Trusted Traveler Program, which qualifies you for TSA PreCheck.
  • No wet or smelly food on the plane. This includes pizza, hot wings, eggs, juicy ham sandwiches with mayo or hamburgers with extra onion.
  • Exit the plane according to rows. If your luggage is in the back, wait your turn and move up row-by-row. Get out of the aisle.
  • Wear ear buds while watching a video on your tablet or mobile device.
  • Don’t roll your eyes at screaming babies. You were a baby once. And that is not helpful or empathetic.
  • Carry a pen. No, you cannot borrow mine. I don’t want your flu.
  • Stop humming, whistling or tapping. And stop sniffling already. Blow your nose.

Does that finally cover everything?

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