I’m hardly a teenager, but when it comes to my appearance and my weight, I struggle with something called body dysmorphia. Basically, I have no idea how I look. I exaggerate my flaws. I obsess about it. And because I have no idea how I truly look, I assume the worst.
Now listen, I know that I’m not fat and ugly. I’m an adult and I realize that my fears are irrational. I have good people in my life who help with this. And because of these anxieties, I try to go easy on myself and other women. PS — you don’t need to have an anxiety disorder to know that women are (sometimes) their own worst enemies. Critical. Catty. Inappropriate.
That being said, I just can’t help myself when I see women spend money (that they don’t have) on ugly clothes and put themselves through unnecessary beauty treatments. My brain is broken. I have diarrhea of the mouth and I have to show my disapproval. Case in point? This video where I criticize acrylic french manicure nails and Coach purses.
Don’t even get me started on the french pedicure.
So I just got this comment from lrambach.
Who are you to critique other HR professionals and how they dress? Very unprofessional of you. As an HR professional myself, I find you to be embarrassing to my profession. Grow up or get out of this field. You sound like an 18 year old sorority girl. You are also what is wrong with HR and why EVERYONE hates HR people. Stupid.
Oh. My. God. Who am I? Who am I?
I’m Laurie Fucking Ruettimann.
And yes, I know, my opinion doesn’t mean anything. That’s the beauty of being me. (Yes, the beauty.) Even I can’t take myself seriously — except that I’m deadly serious about acrylic nails. Not a fan. Women spend money on the stupidest shit. Acrylic nails? What about a 401k? How about a deep tissue massage?
Work with me, people. And know that I’m not picking on women. I’m with you. Feeling insecure and childish. Relieved that you aren’t judging me as harshly as I judge myself. Thank you for that.
Except for you, lrambach. You can go fly a kite.
69 comments ...wanna add one?
Oh, you were referring to acrylics in that video? I thought you included natural nail prettifying…my bad.
Well sorta. I mean, yeah, but acrylics can be done tastefully — if they’re not the porn star manicure kind.
That’s fantastic! One of the funniest things I’ve watched in a while. Not to mention all the elements of great feedback. It’s timely and specific, you offer alternatives to suboptimal behaviors while acknowledging the causes. Spot on indeed.
By the way, HRM Direct is doing a raffle for a Coach bag at their booth this week. Thought you’d want to know.
I’m sure all of the men will be thrilled to win it…
It’s a coach laptop bag. I entered. I’ll sell it on eBay.
I am so with you on your fashion police advice. I don’t know why it is, but the very worst culprits I ever saw were at conferences in Orange County…just north of San Diego. You are so right to tell women that when they try to act like they have material wealth, they come across as not having class or a clue. I would see this at black tie events when I was doing the socialite thing. They need to quit channeling all of the women on the “Housewives” shows and start looking for better role models…like Hillary Clinton, Melinda Gates, and Oprah. Study women who have had money for a while, who have jobs outside the home, are really smart and independent. These are women who have money and don’t wear hookerish acrylic nails. The panty hose…ugh…I gave those up when I moved away from California. And I wear long pants a lot more.
Those jersey housewives are my idols.
j/k
This is hilarious! My husband actually JUST asked me the other day what it was called when women got “white stuff put on the tips of their nails? I told him and he said, “They look like strippers!”
I could not agree with him – or you – more.
Awesome. Strippers. So true.
Maybe he was trying to hint at something to you? Most men like strippers.
Well hell! Where would I be without the people in my life that are willing to say, “I don’t think you want to wear those pants”, or “Honey, that’s not exactly your color”, etc (I won’t even discuss the horrible spandex incident). I may not alway agree or appreciate them at the moment that their words are completely shattering my clearly distorted self-image, but after a little reflection, I know that I couldn’t live without them!
I always tell people to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I sat in a hotel room and hung out in Target pajamas, last night. No bra. Classy.
Thanks for the laugh, Laurie. I have an awesome yellow Coach purse. I wish that I could afford a fall Coach purse and a french manicure and a spa treatment. Sigh…
I wish you could, too!
I love you. In a totally non-lesbian way (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but…. I love you.
I think I’ve finally driven it home to my daughter that she should never pay extra to some company to advertise their products for them in terms of labels.
I’ll take your love. Hooray for your daughter!
Laurie, you are brutal, but I hate to admit that I like it. Do you have some advice for the guys?
Yes. I wrote a post on it. I’ll find it.
I don’t understand the love of a Coach purse — they seem like such an old lady choice. They go with a tissue stuck in the sleeve of your cardigan, seasonal pins, and you’re right — panty hose with sandals.
I don’t get pantyhose. Not at all.
Hilarious! There is beauty in diversity and that is exactly why the homogenous and ridiculous expectations (like, how every girl and their mother must have a Coach bag,) irritates me!
I could use a little guidance in the fashion arena on what works best for me, but the last thing I want is to follow some style guide on how we should ALL look. Raising my middle finger- with my unmanicured and ridged fingernail, to societal expectations and Coach bags. (Even though I’m toting the one my Mother In Law gave me to be polite. Such an insecure weenie.)
Love it. And love the link to diversity. And I’m rocking the stewardess handbag by coach. It’s a gorgeous purse and classic.
I hope you didn’t confuse lrambach for A. Hambach!
I had seen this before and I still find it funny and true. I’m done with the Coach phase of my life for now. Just last week I donated two old Coach purses to a thrift sale for homeless kitties. They were from the mid-1990′s when I was working in a department store and took advantage of extra employee discount day. Can’t beat the extra 20% off of our already existing 25% discount. That’s the only way I was going to buy one.
LOL, awesome. No confusion.
Never been one for fashion or trendy. I once asked my brother-in-law why all of his clothes had names (his Armani suit, Hermes shirt, Boss tie). Never really got the appeal of a Coach purse (or Louis Vuitton, etc.) either, especially one of the designs with all the “C” logos all over them. I appreciate quality and style but don’t really care what name is on it or if anyone else knows who designed or made my clothes. My wife has a couple of Coach purses and she is (in her own words) a label whore. But she also has a no-name purse she bought on the street in NYC that has lasted just as long and was more fun to buy – “How much is this one?”; “$35″; “Oh, I don’t have that much with me”; “Ok, $25″; “I’ll take it!”.
As for acrylic nails…not a fan. Also not a fan of too much make up. Definitely prefer the more natural look ladies (and so do all of my male friends – it’s been discussed).
I’m wearing so much make-up right now… sigh.. I need to strip this shit off.
Amen! The only item I spend ‘real’ money on is shoes because I have um, interesting feet and I really don’t have a choice. I do own a purse that retailed for $250 but I bought it on clearance (Out of season????? No way!!!!) for $60 and, three years later, I still use it.
Can I afford acrylic nails? Sure! But then I’d have those gigantic bumps on my nails along with claws that make for difficult typing. Personally, I think they look tacky!
Save your money!
Irambach should do something physically impossible. I loved your rant on the HR people dress. Of course, I’m your old fogey follower without acrylic nails. My fashion statement is not to droop.
I like the no-droop policy. My boobs violate it.
The thing that kills me is the people with the acrylic nails and labeled-out bags, sunglasses, etc. who won’t take the time to do simple things to make themselves look and/or feel better.
Case in point – a coworker who will go do McDonald’s every blessed day for a burger and fries. She complains because her skin is constantly broken out, she feels bad, and she’s put on weight. She wants to look better, but when I suggest grabbing a salad it’s “too expensive” for lunch. As she totes around a Coach bag and sunglasses, driving a brand-spanking new SUV with her weekly trips to get her acrylic nails filled in. She’s one of those that thinks nothing is good enough unless it’s got someone’s name plastered all over it. (And oddly enough, she is our company’s new HR assistant – who doesn’t even know what SHRM is. To quoth Rachel Zoe, I die.)
OMG please. You just stabbed me in the heart w/that story. Ugh.
LOL Are you talking about my sister in law? HA!!!!
I <3 you. As soon as civil unions become legal in my state I'll be in touch….
“The competition is really low” cracked me up. As did your tone throughout this.
French pedicures read very bridal to me for some reason.
And I’ve been buffing my nails for a while — who knew I was a woman of wealth and status all this time?? I am very excited.
Fellow buffers unite!
Sometimes I hit them with nail envy (clear) but that’s about it.
Lori, I laughed like hell the first time I saw this video (having been at the SHRM conference and knowing whereof you spoke)…but I also thought, OMG, she’s talking about ME: knee-hi stockings with capris! Only, I’m not hiding my varicose veins; I really just can’t stand bare feet in shoes. I could manage flip flop-type sandals, maybe–very fashionable–except that I also have the world’s ugliest feet and wouldn’t subject ANYONE to viewing THEM. So forgive me my fashion faux pas, just this once?? Oh, and I totally agree with ali’s sentiment about what irambach can do….
LOL, hilarious. No need to explain your pantyhose addiction to me. I wear big cotton granny underpants by CHOICE. I’m no diva.
You go, Laurie Fucking Ruettimann.
Thank you. I owe you a check.
Wow to say Laurie Ruettimann is what is wrong with HR is to not know who Laurie Fucking Ruettimann is. Sadly (since I try and avoid the whole potty mouth thing) I will have to delegate a certain amount of mental energy into not referring to you as Laurie Fucking Ruettimann from now on.
No. Do it. I love it.
Laurie,
I’ve been thinking about your post. I’m not an HR professional – always have been on the other side of the desk/culture/opinions.
I am the one HR has always hated to see because I have challenged what they tell me is right – because it so frequently ‘didn’t feel right’ (therefore several job changes).
What was HR thinking when I sat across the desk when I told them about being sexually harassed? Or when I notified them of a severely abusive manager in another department? I’m wondering if what I wore or how I looked made a difference in their response. I have never had a good experience with HR.
This is a light subject, but it just struck me in a different way than you intended. I am certainly not agreeing with Irambach – who obviously didn’t catch the clue that you left that career long ago.
I guess what this comes down to is this: I’m self-conscious, and what you say shouldn’t preoccupy my thoughts. (is your blog my daily diversion, or is it your intent to change things a little so it requires a little engagement on my part?) I have too much to do. But you made me think: what do others think about me, and do I really care? Nope. But I used to. All. The. Time. And it all came back.
We-do-what-we-do often based on others’ opinions – both ways. People buy a Coach bag because so many carry them. They don’t have acrylic nails because people say they look tacky.
Take those individuals out of their domain and put them in one conference together and the regional or industry differences will scream ‘individuality’.
On the flip side, certain things can be over the top and be downright distracting (Joan Cusack in Working Girl). And when you mention French manicure, I thought of the movie Prince of Tides – http://articles.latimes.com/1992-01-17/news/vw-309_1_barbra-streisand – it was all about Bab’s nails.
Thank you for this. It’s got me thinking, too. And the babs nails comment is classic.
Two rules about appearances:
1. First impressions are lasting. You’ll never get that chance back, so don’t fuck it up the first time.
2. Most people are very judgemental, like it or not. Be the rebellious, promiscuous freak outside the workplace– bring it to work, you will be labeled– and that’s the chance you take.
I love the chances thing.
I loathe French manicures and acrylic nails. A wonderful friend of mine does the fake nails thing… they look awful. Really really awful. I don’t have the heart to tell her though. I do have an old “classic” leather Coach purse from nearly 20 years ago. I like it and won’t apologize for it. But the logo stuff of today, like sweaters with enormous crests and initials that belong to someone else (Ralph Lauren) and purses with gigantic C’s I have no use for or interest in. Just like company polo shirts, jackets, water bottles, hats, tote bags, pins and other company “gifts” I won’t be a walking sandwich board or provide free advertising for anyone. Every time I get that stuff it goes straight to the donation center.
OMG company polo shirts. Gag. I’m with you.
I, too, draw the line at acrylic nails..but sometimes you need a Coach bag to gain entry into the “club”. Chicks can be rough, executive chicks can be brutal – the right shoes or handbag will gain you instant entry.
Oh man, I’m glad I don’t go to clubs — professional or dancy ones.
Hmm…I’ve been buffing my nails for almost a decade now (and no, I’m not swimming in the big buckaroos)…it’s a beautiful thing people. But forget how acrylics look – it’s the fact the shred the crap out of your healthy nails.
I appreciate who I am, the flaws and imperfections thrown in. However, I love how I feel when I have a bangin’ outfit on- it just gives you that extra pep in your step. So many people don’t seem to care about what they wear…I’m all about comfort, but comfort and style are not mutually exclusive. It doesn’t matter what size you are either; so check that excuse at the door.
When we get ready for an interview, we pull out our best duds and get all spiffy…why don’t we do that for every day life? Looks like I’ve used up my two-cents’ worth
Love it — but I don’t get spiffy for work because I’m not paid to get spiffy.
lrambach sounds like a real douche bag to me (Oh, was that unprofessional of me to say? Whatever.) So, it sounds like you think a lot about fashion stuff – and I do, too. That’s cool. I don’t see why this would piss off anyone. If you don’t want to read about why wearing pantyhose and sandals is a bad idea – I’m sure there’s a website out there that discusses – in detail – the latest and greatest team building games using dried macaroni noodles or something.
I, however, am the girl who presents at conferences in a groovy (but age appropriate) jersey knit dress and knee boots – and gets the compliments from strangers who had no idea women didn’t have to dress like men at work anymore. lrambach would probably hate me, too, because I think capri pants make you look like you’re standing in a hole (see what I mean about thinking a lot about this stuff?)
You almost completely absolutely speak the truth! Except…a facial instead of a handbag? Oh hell no. I hate having my face and neck touched. It’s the first sign of imminent strangulation. (See, you’re not the only one with body issues.)
Seriously, though, I find it inappropriate to carry a designer handbag to work when we have employees who are really struggling financially. I mean, I have to count my pennies, too, but I stopped carrying the Coach once the company took a tailspin. Maybe I’m being over-sensitive, but I’m just not comfortable carrying an expensive bag these days. I don’t want to give the appearance that I’m out of touch and have money to burn, even though I bought the thing 4 years ago and paid for half of it with my AmEx points! I am a cheap bargain hunter, but showing up with things that people think are expensive just doesn’t feel right to me.
I loved this post. You are totally right but I can’t help myself, I LOVE the rush of going to the Coach store at the outlet mall….as for the french mani, I kinda like that too. NOT enough to actually wear it anymore but you know it is hard for some of us to let go of the past.
More importantly, you – LR – are a breath of fresh air in the HR community and I think that YOU make a lot of us happy and unashamed to say we are HR!! Not really a fan of the words of lrambach – HR people can be cool and s/he makes us look stuffy and lame….boo
Please tell me you’ll wear a shirt that says “I’m Laurie Fucking Ruettimann” to your next conference. Too awesome.
Curious….what are your thoughts on the knock off bags? I don’t care about being one of the cool kids with a Coach bag and have never spent more than $50 on a bag, but I do like the Burberry plaid. Considering a knock-off….I’m way too cheap for the real thing.
I heart you Laurie. Thanks for always speaking the truth! I not only hate the acrylic nails because they make people look like hookers, but I can tell what they have eaten for lunch because it gets stuck under those nasty nails.
LFR! More girly love for you as always! I’m so glad I’m not the only cynical fashion critic out there. My god. What we women to to ourselves to substitute good taste for tacky flash. I once sat in a sushi restaurant in Boca Raton facing the door and proceeded to watch crowds of well-fed socialite wanna-be’s in pastel capri’s, acrylic nails top and bottom, and the cheesiest god-awful bling bags with logos all over them. Barf. They probably look down on me because of my Costco Levi’s and Marshalls flip-flops, but I have biceps, bitches! I’d rather be fit and healthy than trying to look wealthy.
Apparently it’s been proven that manicurists (nail techs, whatever) that work with acrylics have a high incidence of developing Alzheimers Disease. I would assume that people that get those treatments done frequently would have the same risk. This comes from PBS so it has to be true. I agree with the buffing and cuticle cream theory, being in the beauty industry. Everytime I go to an HR conference I feel like the art student/goth girl in the HR world. I don’t wear the clothes, walk the walk or talk the talk. I go to try to learn something and to get free stuffed animals. Oh, and I like wearing colored tights. Coach purse? Is that a horsey thing?
I love that “irrelevant and unqaulified” advice get the most comments from the peanut gallery. I get it – however I will continue to rock my french pedicure (simple, classy, and matches everything) as I don’t like any color enough to want to look at it all day every day as well as my repurposed Coach diaper bag that now carries my laptop. It’s well made, sturdy, lasts and represents that I was successful enough to afford some high quality, but not so flashy that the sales team wants to know how HR affords Louis. Or I just like it…and I don’t give a damn, my dear. But then everyone and their mother started wearing it and soon I’ll have to stop just like I did with Kate Spade. But, not before I meet you at a conference and get a photo with my toes and bag and Laurie Fuckin Ruettimann.
I have LOL all the way through this string and the GREAT video. For years I have been trying to convince my friends, my daughters, my mother, my sisters – basically the world – that long nails with french manicures, especially on fake nails, are stripper nails. And the worst are french manicures with sparkly polish instead of white.
I guess you can tell I’m a buffer…….
Thank you for another great blog, your honesty is amzing, LFR!
I don’t care for acrylics, honestly I really don’t understand them. and I don’t buff my nails – why – because with 3 kids and 2 dogs and a house to take care of, I don’t have the friggen time to do a fill or whatever that hell that is called. BUT, Laurie – you saw my toes last week, I DO the french pedi…and here is why. I like my toes to look done, I hate feet (everyone’s feet) and love flip flops. I live in the Pac NW but still keep the flip flops on through November. So why the french toes? Becaue I am friggin cheap…I can buy white polish (hell I could use white out) to clean up the tips. If i did a color, then I would have to buy the different colors to match…and that’s just too damn expensive and too much work for me! And peeling nail polish is worse than a french pedi. On purses, I have a few Coaches and off brands too, for me, its more about what looks good with the outfit or what is functional for the day. Yep – I like to switch it up on a daily basis! I am NO fashion guru, but somedays I need room for diapers or a computer and some days I just want my phone and keys. But Miss Laurie – you better NEVER stop speaking your voice, cause every time I watch you, I laugh out loud so hard the whole family comes over to see what has me on the floor!
Everytime I see those acrylic nails, all I can think about are the germs imbedded in them. We had hand washing training at work. (I work with immune compromised patients) After we all washed our hands, everyone had to put them under a UV light to see how much bacteria were left on them. Those nails glowed like they’re radioactive. Yuck!
Laurie, you were my HR hero up until now. I am a 10+ year HR professional with a Master’s and PHR, and I would forego buying groceries before skipping my weekly acrylic nail refill. I am currently in transition (unemployed), and making due with a couple of part time jobs until I find my full time HR dream job. Regardless of my employment status, the acrylic nails help me feel good about myself, give me what I perceive as a polished, put-together look, and also prevents me from biting my nails and cuticles.
BTW: I also contribute generously to my 401K when employed, and frequently induldge in deep-tissue massage.
Hilarious! We have all seen them and think these things. Thanks for actually saying it! Someone should also point out these little tips to the candidates as well. As for the Coach bag. I have loved Coach since I was about 9 years old. It was my brand- now it has become to trendy, everyone has one. With the outlet stores in every major city- it is so easy for those who wouldn’t normally buy one to be able to pick one up for a little over $100. Because of this you see them being carried by everyone- from the business woman to the lady wearing her pajamas to the store. They have lost their appeal – mine are being passed down to my daughters for play. I’m over it.
First, I want to tell you I’m a fan of yours. I’m a dog person, not a cat person, but I think your kitty cat-isms and videos are hilarious! I don’t agree with ALL of your opinions, but who doesn’t disagree with thier friends opinions once in a while? If we all had the same opinions, life would be pretty darn boring!
I don’t wear fake nails, or french manuicures, I don’t buy expensive clothes and shoes, or pay a buttload of money to get my hair done…but I have to say I love my Coach bags! It’s the one luxury I allow myself…everything else goes to the kids LOL!
I happen to believe everyone has “something” they they allow themselves to spend a little extra on (we’ve had this conversation many times within my own HR team), and it’s different for everyone. If it makes you feel good in this sometimes crazy world we live in, I say go for it!
Keep on keepin’ on Laurie, you’re so funny and talented!
69 comments ...wanna add one?