Your Teenager is Texting and Driving

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I used to think that your #1 job as a parent was to ensure that your kids didn’t grow up to be rapists, murderers or animal abusers.

Now I think your #1 job as a parent is to make sure your stupid kids don’t kill me.

This girl? She looked very young. She was texting while driving. In a Mustang that she probably got for her graduation. From you. Her asshole parents.

I am sure you have told her not to text while driving. She isn’t listening to you just like you didn’t listen to your parents. Not only was she texting, she was laughing and giggling at the screen while driving. So I told my husband to speed up so I could get her photo. He said, “I’m not going to speed up and get us killed.”

I said, “If she is dealing with aggressive drivers, at least she is paying attention to the road.”

I have no problem with your dumb ass kid — who can’t do math — texting and driving herself into a tree. That’s called natural selection. I do have a problem with your kid being selfish and driving into another car. Especially mine.

Here are things you can do.

  • Grow a spine and stop caring if your kids are your best friends.
  • Get a copy of your cell phone bill and lie. Say — I can see that you were texting based on this bill. There were times when I called you in the car. You hung up and there are texts after that call. And you couldn’t possibly have been at a red light for that many minutes.
  • Be quiet. Your kid will talk.
  • Then you can say — You’re grounded. When you are a legal adult and can afford your own car and gas money, you can text and drive. Until that time, you have to earn your driving privileges.

Oh. My. God. Your kid will throw a fit. Big fucking deal. Then you get some ice cream and call it a day.

I will tell you something. It’s only a matter of time before your kid kills someone and the devastated family comes after you with the ace law firm that represented John Edwards and takes your house.

You are responsible for your kids. Morally. Legally. Financially.

Act like it.

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