My friend Bill Kutik is getting married. I have met the love of his life, Nancy. She is wonderful. Amazing. Beautiful.
I am so happy for them.
Except Bill is such a whore. Look at this note he wrote me.
You’re my champ! I’m depending on your blog, the top ticket-seller of all time. Need something exclusive?
I’m getting married for the second time. Asked Nancy just last night after four years of living together, and we have decided to do it in Vegas at The White Chapel like Brittany Spears with Elvis! Then two-week honeymoon in Italy on the Amalfi Coast.
You cannot use the attached picture without the comment: “They are exactly the same age,” which all visual evidence to the contrary, is true; we are. Sorry the file is so large. You know all the tricks to make the file smaller, I’ll bet.
I’m actually happy, an odd, troubling and infrequent state for me.
Best…Bill
OMFG. That old geezer will use anything to move a few more tickets to The HR Technology Conference.
As my gift to him, I am asking you to ignore all other advertising for the show and only buy tickets through this link. Use the code CYNICAL11 for a discount of $500 off the rack rate of $1,795. And use my link so I don’t have to buy him anything stupid off his registry at Bed Bath & Beyond.
Congrats to you, Bill and Nancy. Yes, I will be a bridesmaid. Thanks for asking. Oh wait, you didn’t ask. Thanks for nothing.
And I’ll see you guys at the HR Technology Conference.
21 comments ...wanna add one?
Gee, Laurie, thanks, I think.
Nancy and I look pretty blurry in the picture, so I guess you don’t know the tricks of making it smaller.
Some corrections and updates, since I sent you the joyful news, never expecting my personal letter to you would appear in a public blog. But such are the ways of young ‘uns on social media. My bad for forgetting. May I suggest watching the great film noire “Sweet Smell of Success” with Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis to learn the more subtle methods of an earlier generation? One of my faves.
First, you never told your readers that the discount is $500 off the rack rate of $1,795 or $1,295 for The Greatest Show on Earth. C’mon!
Second, The White Chapel in Vegas is out. Nancy checked out the website and even in her tackiest moments realized she would never set foot in the joint. What is with Brittany Spears? So the ceremony is now completely up in the air, but will definitely not include bridesmaids. So, sorry, you can’t feel miffed, a favorite state I know.
Italy, once a vacation, is now definitely a honeymoon. Because the Conference is doing so incredibly well — though the lead will definitely not last, paid attendance on Friday Aug. 8 was up exactly 72.3% against last year’s record at the same time — that we are going first class and hitting all the Grand Hotels from Rome to Sorrento to Positano on the Amalfi Coast.
I am most pleased that some deranged Hertz international desk clerk rented me an Alfa Romeo 159 — basically their street-legal racing car — for only $646 for nine days. I love driving in Italy, where a red light does not mean “Stop,” but simply that the odds have changed.
It confirms my “zero-sum game” view of life where you can’t win unless someone else loses. In Italy, you can do anything with your car until someone physically stops you. I’m not sure where the police are. And Italians are so wedded to the family that no one outside it matters, so they drive with not a thought for the danger they are putting you or anyone else in!
Once you get in touch with the limbic part of your brain — the most primitive part devoted to solely to food, survival and sex — this deadly combat they call “driving” becomes a dream. Last time in Sicily I seriously came to believe that it was perfectly fine to pass on a blind curve on a two-lane mountain road because the cars were so narrow three could fit abreast if absolutely necessary!
And that was 10 years ago in a then crappy Kia. Stand by for international reports of me in my Alfa. See you in Vegas on the Social Network panel, which you didn’t mention either! Selfless, I’ve always said that about you, selfless.
The note made my week — and makes you human! I love it! It stays.
I’ve added the discount. I forgot that I was on a panel.
Wish you the best. I’m not miffed that you didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid but I *was* thinking about crashing the wedding and wearing a pink taffeta dress.
And here is a free tip from me to you: if you get married at the conference, you won’t need a shoot out or a closing keynote.
xo
Actually two people have suggested we get married on the main stage after Gartner’s Jim Holincheck’s closing keynote on social networks ending at 11:30 am Wednesday. I think we’d prefer not to.
You forgot about your panel?!? And you’re not already preparing for it?!? And you expect to be invited back next year? Geeesh. It won’t happen because of ticket sales. Good that you added the discount price so readers would know.
Congratulations — and what’s more social and more networky than a wedding!!! And — business expense the reception .. cha-CHING!
effin brilliant… congrats bill… great post laurie…
I tried to write this post without Bill’s note and it was boring. This is so much better. He is happy! Hooray!
I can marry Bill and Nancy. I am a Reverend with the Universal Life Church,
noted!
Wonderful news update/update from Bill especially roll’n in the AR 159, yum.. and great post from Laurie (as usual) to be reading on a quiet Sunday morning…!
We all need a little good news, this weekend!
It is only fitting that the Most Interesting Man in the World should have such a beautiful wife. Congratulations, Bill! Please be careful driving in Italy. We all want you to get home safe and sound!
Nancy is beautiful, Mark, thanks so saying so. And unlike many women who look as good incredibly sweet and generous. And, as I always love to point out, exactly my age — a miracle of nature! That picture sits on a bookshelf in my living room and when I told a visiting vendor about our ages, he replied, “Gee, Bill, I never knew you were so young!” The sharp wit of Christopher Faust, I believe, now CMO at SumTotal, just to give proper credit.
Bill, she is not 78. Stop saying that.
You old coot. You ARE the fisherman who finally gets the catch of his life. Enjoy “happy” and congrats to both of you.
He is. True!
Congrats, Bill! great post, Laurie
Thanks, Madeline. It’s nice when people are in love. Who says I’m not sentimental???!
Very best wishes, Bill! My personal nickname for you has always been “The Connecticut Curmudgeon.” I guess I’ll need to find a new one… Nice post, Laurie.
Crazy awesome. Congrats to Bill and his new wife.
JMM
Four days later and I’m still cracking up at this – fantastic post Laurie! Bill: Congratulations! All the best, and you two enjoy yourselves in Italia.
21 comments ...wanna add one?