The #hrtechconf is around the corner and I recently changed my twitter profile to read, “Social Media Strategist. HR Chick. Formidable Career Blogger. Pixie of the Apocalypse. I have no competition.”
I love writing crazy stuff like that because, as little as five years ago, I wouldn’t have dared to think about myself in such a brazen way.
Who was I in 2006?
Well, that’s me. I’ve shown this picture before. I was an unremarkable HR chick. I was dispassionate. I didn’t trust other women. I was scared, I was stuck, and I was irrelevant.
So what’s really different in 2011? Not much. I’m still a scared, stuck, semi-irrelevant chick on the periphery of HR — except I’ve made one major change in my life.
I have stopped competing with other people. Especially women. Fully.
I know most of you won’t believe me. Especially HR chicks. That’s fine. I don’t care because it is true. There is no person out there who has the knowledge, skills, and abilities to replace me in the marketplace. And honestly, I cannot replace a single person I know in the world of Human Resources, technology, blogging, or social media management.
It’s just not possible.
And who would I be competing against? Who would compete against me? Other social media strategists? Other HR chicks? Give me a break. Most of them are my friends.
I have a hard enough time fighting my own internal insecurities. I don’t have time to compete with HR divas and social media gurus. And as I get older, I realize that the only competitor I have is in my head. It’s not some HR chick who steps in my way and holds me back from long-term success. It’s not some social media douche bag who keeps me from being an effective business leader. I fail because of my own fear and insecurity. And when I operate out of fear and insecurity, I always make the wrong decisions.
Always.
So when my fears get me down and I start worrying about other people — especially women — weaseling into my territory, I remember that the territory is huge. There is plenty of space for us to roam and be awesome. And we can all succeed.
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It is hard to realize that life is not a zero-sum game. This is especially true when most of us put so much energy into our jobs. We lose a piece of our identities when we lose our jobs so competition is looked at like a fight for survival.
I don’t mind being competitive at Scrabble. The rest bores me.
Love it! Yes the space is huge and being as great as you can be at something helps grow that space even larger. Well I think it does anyway. Happy roaming.
You too!
You’ve certainly carved a niche for yourself!
It’s sad but competition in HR runs rampant. I know when I graduated with my Masters in HR and was looking for my first full-time HR job I was THRILLED when my best friend in school decided to move out of state. Sure I would miss her but I was so happy she wasn’t looking for jobs in the same area as I.
I do have a niche but people always ask me — who’s your biggest competition? Kris Dunn? Sharlyn Lauby? Jennifer McClure? I love all those people and one of those people has seen me in a personal situation (sorry, I’ll close the bathroom door next time) so it’s all good.
You are a bad ass. I love what you write and Im oddly attracted to your attitude.
I’m oddly attracted to my own attitude. I’ll go make out with myself right now.
I appreciate your honesty discussing this, I think a lot of people feel this way but it is not discussed too often. I talked about starting my own blog for a long time but I didn’t actually get started until I realized what was slowing me down wasn’t web design or content ideas, it was my own fear of competing. Then I realized I’d never do anything if I always worried about measuring myself against other achievments. Thanks for this inspiring post!
Totally. I’m my own biggest obstacle.
“I remember that the territory is huge. There is plenty of space for us to roam and be awesome. And we can all succeed.”
This holds true in the pet blogging world as well and is something I need to constantly remind myself of.
SO TRUE.
There is only one daisy the curly cat or brew or sparkle or whatever. Be you!
There’s only one Scrubs too. He and Brew are so much more effective as collaborators than they would be as competitors.
Accepting that you are good at what you do and knowing that only you can do what you do is not Bad Ass. It is simply recognizing your unique talent and following it to the success it deserves.
Brava! Love it, mostly because I’m shy by nature and fight every day to engage and interact with people who (whether rightly or wrongly) intimidate me.
I’m working up my mojo to enter the big, bad world and come out of my shell. It works!
I’m not all that shy and the world intimidates me.
But now I’m tired of being intimidated.
I agree – you have no reasons to compete with others, but try to explain that to your boss, who doesn’t need the exact combination of skills and experience that makes you unique and maybe even great.
They need someone who knows A and B, has 10 years experience in C, is communicative and goal-oriented, etc., and there are dozens, if not hundreds of people having this profile.
So in the end, you are competing with others, either you want it or not.
Fuck yo’ boss.
Okay, well, that’s not realistic — but bosses like people with confidence.
Interesting perspective. Competition is real, we all need to face it, whether it is internal or external. However,I have always turned to women for support/mentorships/collaboration. I feel that the competition or the “distrust” often hinges on the male/female relationship in the workplace if gender is an issue at all. Sistahs need to stick together. There are enough hurdles without pettiness born out of insecurity. Be the best YOU can be, know it, own it and move on.
Competition is real — but the stuff we do every day isn’t competing. It’s passive aggressive manipulation.
I love your last sentence!
Didn’t you just post a few days ago encouraging anyone considering joining your world to just skip it? Stay home with their kids? Keep pushing pencils for the PHB’s?
So in reality – as this unfolds you’ve now told your competitors to “not bother” and have now announced you have no competition.
I think I see where you’re going with this and I’m intrigued (so far).
LOL.
“Just give up. I’m awesome. You can’t beat me.”
I wish I were that clever.
As a bad ass HR Diva Chick, I totally agree, but I do find a lot of HR peeps that really do the profession a disservice. It makes me so mad and makes me wonder how the hell they got hired and why they are in this field. We HR folks walk a tightrope between Management & Employees (well at least the good ones do anyway), and those of us that do tend to gravitate towards each other. I have had fantastic mentors in my career and I’ve taken the best from each one and made it my own. Most times people cannot believe I’m an HR person (usually because of my sense of humor) and I like it that way. Those of us that manage to be educated, experienced, talented and unique are rare and we know it.
I hate it when people say — I can’t believe you used to work in HR.
I say — I USED TO *BE* HR, DAMMIT. I DEFINED IT.
What is wrong with healthy competition? I’m not talking about the back stabbing variety, but the healthy ego-checking, self improving kind. Yes, at the end of the day, we are only really competing with ourselves – to be the best we can be, but sometimes it is healthy to compare your skills and abilities against others. It helps keep me on my toes, “shappening my saw” so to speak.
I like competition in sports and games. At work? Bah, boring. But if it works for you and it’s not dysfunctional, who am I to judge?
Women are all crazy, aren’t we? But the great thing is that we are all crazy in our own, unique way. It’s what makes us individuals.
About 2 years ago I “figured myself out”. Sort of a not-middle-aged-but-not-young crisis. And it was everything all at once: professionally, romantically, as a mother, my appearance, my personality, everything. I used to be insecure about each of these things, but for some reason, when I was 32 a light bulb went off and I was like, “This is who I am”.
Since then, I do work that I like for companies that I like, I dress how I like, I embrace the fact that I am a completely imperfect mother, and accept that my personality for what it is–there’s no hiding it.
Because of this, professionally I have inadvertently become rather specialized without meaning to. But, there is only one of me in NEO. Sure there are plenty of other corporate recruiters out there, but none that have done exactly what I’ve done and do it exactly the way I do it.
Similar to Isabel, most people think of me as the un-HR chick. Sometimes to be HUMAN you have to be politically incorrect. And my experience is that all parties involved appreciate it….that, and a well timed NSFW bodily function joke.
And just like Isabel said, we do tend to gravitate toward each other…which is why I read your blog every day!
Oh boy, I was 32 when I had that moment. That was the best year of my life.
I work with three incredible HR chicks. I have their back and they have mine. All I know is my day is a little brighter when I walk into work because of them.
I want to be on your team.
Love this! We have no competition!
Why? (other than general awesomeness). Because we have a unique mix of skills, experience & perspective that is impossible for others to have.
But, so does a lot of people. They are just to eager to figure out what we do they can’t focus on themselves.
PS Like teambuilding, Competition is for suckers.
Yes. Sweet. Perfect!
I also just want to say that I love this photo of me. Even though I sucked in so many ways, I was also wealthier, my boobs were bigger, and I was never hungry. I didn’t wear make-up because — fuck it — I worked in HR. And my pants were always sensible and comfortable. I didn’t exercise because my whole life was a fucking exercise. Pass the wine.
Dang. I miss those days.
But we’re still on for that footrace at HR Tech right?
Completely unrelated to anything HR or competition or anything else above. I just want to say that your hair now, as opposed to then, is WAY better. Just saying. Carry on.
Laurie, after reading your few posts, you have been bookmarked on my android phone..love the candid nature of your posts..
We all can succeed, in our own way and I’d add – we can do it together. I am definitely a better all around person because of the friendships, prodding, inspiration, confidence, and support of people like you and so many others. See you in MN!
Well, you not only are your worst competition, you are your best competition, if competition is only in your head.
It all comes back to context. as in, the context of the competition. If it’s a fun game of who can make the most pieces this hour, answer the phone with the funny phrase the most times without cracking up, or service teams battling for the highest service rating, competition works. But if it is unsanctioned competition between a couple of bitches or bastards where the outcome is nothing more than screwing over the other person, then you’re right, competition sucks.
If what you are doing is setting the goal to do your best work every day, and that each day you were going to improve upon what you did the day before, then you are successfully competing with the most worthy adversary, your self.
I fell in love with your voice and honest writing style two years ago when I read an article in the Conference Board Review. In that time I have observed you sharpening your skills. From one honest writer to another, well done lady.
I wish more women felt the same way you do about competing with other women. I believe in the power of one – one woman who is brave enough to understand women need not compete with each other. That is what started it for me many years ago. A woman in my office treated me as a counterpart and friend and not a competitor and after the shock wore off It. Felt. Good. And it felt right. All the other women who were hired after us (ground floor of a start up company), we treated the exact same way and they loved the acceptance and encouragement that was fostered. And it all started with just that one woman who wanted a different kind of workplace. She never went on to be a corporate big-wig or “make a super huge” name for herself, but what she did do was make a difference in the life of all the women who came through those office doors with her kindness, support and inclusiveness and in turn, it gave us the courage to do the same. It wasn’t like she brought about world peace, but she kinda did, in our own little corner of the world, or office as the case may be.
hmmm
1) you were NEVER an unremarkable HR chick. you just had not been remarked upon yet.
2) as much as you try to intellectualize your position viz others, sometimes life is zero sum, there must be winners and losers, and you WILL work to be a winner, and there IS a name for that activity.
3) grace and style in winning AND losing is rare and worth aspiring to. Denying that there is a contest is a bit of a dodge and suggests discomfort with winning, but what freaks people for realz is comfort in losing. Thats what Charlie Sheen taps into…..very subversive.
Marty – I respect your opinion & I will aspire to be more like Charlie Sheen
Needed to hear this! My side gig is a canine health nonprofit, and as you know there are thousands of other animal nonprofits vying for the same donations. Ours deals with cancer and there is no cutesy poster-child for that and I’ve realized competing in that arena is futile.
I’ve started taking the high road and believe we do the best out there with the littlest we get – staying true to yourself is the best approach. My job that pays the bills manager made a comment to me last week saying “You don’t have to beat them, you just have to join them.” and your great blog just solidified that! Thanks!
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